It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
