It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
