Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize