plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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