smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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