Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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