I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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