beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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