I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Little spoons don't ask big questions
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
