I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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