A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
