I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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