brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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