I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
