yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
