Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
