Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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