alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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