she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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