She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
