i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
