This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Drunk is not a location!
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
