when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
