I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
