awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
