I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
