WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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