I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
