we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
