her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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