my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
