Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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