do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
