This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Do you have feelings for this penis?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
