I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
