There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
