The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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