I'm gonna have a badass scar
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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