nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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