i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
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I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
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hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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