i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
