Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
