Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
