Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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