Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
