i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Pants are for mortals
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
