I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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