i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
