we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
