This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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