I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
