just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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