half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
