just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
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remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
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He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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