Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
