Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
