OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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