I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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