I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
