I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
