i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
