i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
