I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
