he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
