Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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