Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize