Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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