Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
